just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
