so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
