I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please