I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
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Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
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i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Damn victory sex feels great