Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
