Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.