I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
