My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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