with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
