Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize