I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
