I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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