barbara walters just said penis...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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