i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
