I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
