i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
