pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Small penises have feelings too.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
