I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
