I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we made out on top of his cat.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
