I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
