just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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