so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my being single is dangerous.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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