My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
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I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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