My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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