So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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