so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
