My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
