i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
