"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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