it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
