words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
