I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
