she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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