i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
