the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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