I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
