i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
