can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
