dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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