...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
