4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
