Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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