I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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