And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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