Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
