Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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