He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
