you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
