So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
