You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
How external is "for external use only"?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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