I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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