oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
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I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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