At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
