Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
