I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
