I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Randomize
