Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
