i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
