I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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