just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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