You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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