Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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