WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
