after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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