It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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