Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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