I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
