it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
