yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dicks are not precious.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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