I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.