i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch