I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.