Texts From Last Night

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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.

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  (920): Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later. http://tfl.nu/9vwo
  Replies (4) Good night (2066) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.

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  (219): Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream. http://tfl.nu/v6je
  Replies (37) Good night (6777) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.

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  (810): i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care. http://tfl.nu/2egt
  Replies (20) Good night (690) Bad night (3266) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.

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  (248): I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial. http://tfl.nu/t70i
  Replies (12) Good night (7000) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems

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  (505): Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems http://tfl.nu/opwd
  Replies (19) Good night (4300) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
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  (727): View more from Florida

  In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.

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  (727): In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up. http://tfl.nu/1vdz
  Replies (22) Good night (933) Bad night (4313) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow

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  (714): when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow http://tfl.nu/3ljm
  Replies (14) Good night (747) Bad night (5262) Order T-Shirt
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.

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  (785): Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up. http://tfl.nu/s8n4
  Replies (14) Good night (2577) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Wow that was a lesbian tornado.

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  (201): Wow that was a lesbian tornado. http://tfl.nu/1am2
  Replies (14) Good night (3429) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.

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  (610): He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick. http://tfl.nu/upxm
  Replies (5) Good night (890) Bad night (3471) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.

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  (214): There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me. http://tfl.nu/ecsp
  Replies (13) Good night (2735) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
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  (585): View more from New York

  remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that

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  (585): remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that http://tfl.nu/fcdo
  Replies (8) Good night (398) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?

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  (203): If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche? http://tfl.nu/avjw
  Replies (22) Good night (2878) Bad night (693)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire

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  (513): Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire http://tfl.nu/zvoc
  Replies (7) Good night (411) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.

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  (520): I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break. http://tfl.nu/xprx
  Replies (7) Good night (500) Bad night (340) Order T-Shirt

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