i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball