Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
