so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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