My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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