He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
