Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
