Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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