I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
