I hate all girls vehemently.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
