I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
